New Blog Site

Hello, people. I always feel like I'm talking to myself here, and then I am pleasantly surprised that there are people out there who actually read my blog and that some of them actually find comfort in my story. In that sense, I feel that there was at least some reason to the madness of repeating the bar exam multiple times.

Anyway, I am moving my site over to:

http://bar-quest.blogspot.com

It's just for a small reason that's not worth elaborating. But, see you there...

California Bar

Since I wrote my last blog, I found a job.

I was looking an immigration job, especially because I now have a license in NJ and with immigration law you can practice with an out-of-state license.

However, things didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted it to. I got a job at a law firm as a law clerk. For right now, it's part-time, but I'm really hoping that it will lead me to somewhere better. The partner there is expecting me to take the bar exam, but there is really no promise that he will hire me once I pass.

I'm not complaining. I could still be bumming around in my apartment doing nothing - instead I am at least being relatively productive with my time. I make money, I am meeting new people, the people I work with are wonderful.

The only things is that after a couple months working there... I'm itching for more. Which really made me realize that I need to take the CA bar. And pass.

Anybody who has read my previous blogs know how much of an emotional roller coaster I've been in in the past few years. It makes me slightly apprehensive about taking on another bar exam (and a CA exam at that)... I don't want another failed bar exam on my "resume."

I have gained back some of my self-confidence, but I wonder if that is going to be enough to get through one of the toughest bar exams.

And another thing. I am so broke. I can't (or rather, I don't want to) fork out another $4000 or so to take a bar exam course. I didn't take barbri for my NJ exam, but a local bar course, so I don't get any kind of discount either.

I'm trying to see if there is a cheaper way to study for the bar. But without good notes/outlines, I don't know how I would be able to study law for a new state.

Any suggestions from anyone would be highly appreciated.

One Month

One month since I semi-aggressively started my job search. I've had some interviews at places I really was interested in, but didn't get the job. I'm trying to determine why, b/c it's usually my credentials that is lacking. Once they interview me in person, I usually get the job.

I started reading this book that Modern Woman recommended:
"guerilla tactics for getting the legal job of your dreams"
I'm finding good advice especially for the interview process. Maybe I can find a reason why I'm not getting an offer.

I wonder if the worsening economy is actually affecting my job search?

I know I shouldn't be discouraged so early(?) in the job search process, but I can't help feeling down. Sometimes I don't want to wake up in the morning. Everyday feels like a waste, and I don't have motivation to do anything else.

I just want to give up sometimes, but then again I get up and try again. Will my persistence ever pay off?

Update

It's been a while, folks. If anybody still comes here.

I think after the exam I was so burnt out that I didn't even feel like expressing my feelings on my blog. I just blanked out for weeks and then some.

Here's something I wrote previously that I never published:
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"The obligational post-mortem?"

It's been a week since the exams. I wanted to post something meaty after the exam, but I was to washed out from the process to do so. There's so many things I'd like to reflect on, but I don't have the energy or motivation to write about it. I didn't take the NY exam because I felt that I wasn't ready. And looking back, I'm actually glad that I did. I heard from other NY takers that the essay portion was more difficult than previous July exams (I always think that the July exams are easier than February ones... maybe it's just me). Especially with all the glitches and problems with the NY laptop exam, I'm glad that I wasn't part of it. Even if I took it, I probably wouldn't have passed anyway. I spent that one extra day at least giving my all to the NJ exam.

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As I mentioned above, I ended up taking only NJ. I canceled NY because I didn't feel like I could pass it and I didn't want the stress of studying for NY take away my chances of passing NJ. I desperately needed to pass at least one, and I had a better chance with NJ.

That ended up being a good plan, because in November I got the good news that I passed the NJ exam. I can't remember it right now, but something like 7 points above the passing score. Like I said, I heard from the people I knew who took the NY one that it was very very difficult. I don't think I would've passed it.

All I remember about that moment when I checked my scores was that my hands were shaking as I clicked onto the website, and once I found out that I passed, I just literally froze right there. I always imagined myself jumping up and down and shouting out loud, "I passed, I passed!" But really, all I did was stare at my name on the screen. I reloaded the screen a couple times, to make sure it wasn't a mistake.

I was at work at the time, so I quietly stepped outside and called my husband. I told him I passed. There was a moment of silence, and he said, "congratulations, honey." And that was it for both of us. I think it was snowing outside. Or was it very cold? I could feel my hands and ears getting numb, but I stood outside there for a while. There was a definite relief in my heart, but an indescribable sadness there too. To us, this has been such an ordeal that I think at the end of it all, we were just relieved. I didn't even have the energy left to celebrate.

It's been more than a year since I took the exam. Although I plan to take NY some time in the near future, I wanted to get away from it all - after all, I have been suffering through it every single February and July since I graduated - so I took the following February and July off.

The bigger news is that we ended up moving to CA. Hubby had a really great opportunity and we decided that it was worth the move. The problem now is that do I have to take the CA exam. It's supposed to have the lowest passage rate among all the states, right? I think I heard that. So it makes me wonder if I can really do it.

But searching for jobs here has been a rather slow and excruciating process. It makes me think I have no other choice but to take the CA bar. I feel like now that I have a license life should get easier, but not really. An out-of-state license really doesn't mean much... I am trying to find an immigration law position, because I can still practice it without CA license. But mostly, I'm back again searching for law clerk, paralegal, legal secretary jobs. Kind of sad. But right now, there's no progress there either.

I'm already several years out of law school, and I'm still stuck...

NJ Civ Pro

Okay, so does anybody want to share their NJ Civ Pro outline with me? :p

I've been studying Civ Pro with just my NY outlines (minus its distinctions, of course), which has served me enough to get as close as 1 point short of passing the NJ exam. But now I'm wondering (perhaps too late, but better late than never) if there are anything NJ specific that I should worry about. I don't think NJ is as crazy as CA or NY in terms of distinctions, so I was thinking of maybe just briefly going through the outline, and look for distinctions, if there any. Obviously, I don't have time to make my own.

If anybody has it, would you share it with me?? I'm a repeater, so take pity on me...

It has officially started...

The dreams, the insomnia, the tears.

I thought I was doing pretty well, until yesterday, when I was reviewing what I had to do for the following week. I knew I was behind my schedule in Property, so that meant changing my plans for the week. And then the panic attack. Will I have enough time?? Will I know enough for the exam?? Why, oh why, did I say I will do NY also (I guess I can still just "not go" but I'll be losing my money that I could've used for the next February exam!)????

After that whole drama with myself, I couldn't sleep till 3:30 a.m., and then I had dreams of not being prepared for my exam, fighting with my mom, writing essays... You know, the usual stuff.

Then this morning, when I opened my eyes, I knew I had another hellish full day ahead of me, and I let out a loud sigh. Loud enough to wake my husband up from his sleep to ask me, "what's wrong?" And the tears starting welling up. Of course, I stopped myself quickly enough for him to not notice and for it to not get in the way of today's studying (I can't waste my time right now to feel sorry for myself!).

And so here I am now. Another full day. I hope I get a lot done today that would help me sleep better tonight.

I don't want the fear to set inside me. That would be the poison that would ultimately kill me even before I take the exam. But the fear is there - the fear of facing another failed notice, the fights with my husband, the suicidal urges (scary, but I did have them for a while). How I manage those unnecessary emotions at this time would be critical.

Property is killing me...

Anybody else do the Property questions in PMBR blue book and think it was insanely difficult?? Or is it just me... :(